Iza (ashitae) wrote,

  • Music:
Five months staying in other country has brought me a lot of memories. This year is gonna end with so much memories! There were times I didn't feel like being myself, there were times I felt like running out of the reality. Yeah, that kind of depressing times were there. I learned so much how to life in social life, noting that before I focused way too much on my precious computer, my hobbies, etc. I got into people, I talked, I socialized. And yeah, I wont get everything I want. I remember I always get what I wanted, like, being the leader in my high school's marching band, being designer leader, being good on this and that, and topped things. I always got what I wanted, seriously. I remember there are one time I felt really pissed off because I didn't get what I want; which is to win a fashion design competition. For honest, that time I felt like it was the first time I didn't succeed. Well, I got the second time within the 5 months I was in US. It felt really depressing. I just didn't know how to react to that kind of situation. I cried, and I refused to accept the truth. Honestly I was hoping that I could get it. Maybe some people may find me way too complicated, but thats how I am doing. I couldn't let go of something so easily. Sorry if you guys don't understand what I am talking about, I just want to write. :)

There will be a lot of things happen in 2008. I'll stay the whole year in US, I will have to face everything! I should be more mature, I should grow up. I think I moaned too much in these 5 months. I have to be able to keep things to myself, try to solve problems by myself. Be an indepenent girl, I should be, coz thats what I've been trained back in high school, isn't it!? I come to US for study, and that how it always be. I have target to accomplish! I remember, I said to my sister "I don't do much design and music these days, Im going out a lot and I dont have time and mood for doing such things", and my sis replied "well, it's okay, you have done much of those back in high school, now it's time for socialization." Backthen, I was like "uuhhh okay, you're right." But now I think I should do what I used to do, coz that's what I am! That's what makes me here with all the proudness I have.

I realized that I have underestimated some of my courses last semester. I kept on telling myself to work hard so that I won't regret anything. But the fact is I didn't do my best, I really didn't. Next semester I WILL do my best, even with all those distractions!!!! X( Yeah, I know it will be much more distracting and depressing. Buuut I have friends I can always lay on.:DDD OOk!! GANBARIMASUU!

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